


Hello Tomorrow

by synergenic (Losseflame)



Series: Degrees of Perception [2]
Category: Free!
Genre: M/M, god writing a sex scene between five people is difficult as heckie, mentions of previous suicide attempt, mentions of purging, someone needed to do the fivesome thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-16
Updated: 2013-12-16
Packaged: 2018-01-04 21:34:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1085931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Losseflame/pseuds/synergenic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rin still isn’t sure how to – how to <i>act </i>around Nagisa, what he can do or be for the guy like he’s sure with Haru and Makoto and Rei, now, too, and Rin is doubly unsure with how Nagisa is looking at him.  Rei’s head is in Nagisa’s lap, his eyelids fluttering as he dozes – still tired from the pills, fuck, and Rin’s stomach clenches with harsh fear when he thinks of what Rei looked like spread out on the bathroom floor with all of those fucking <i>pills</i> – and Nagisa is looking at Rin wide-eyed and bright and open like Rin is <i>important</i> –</p>
<p>And he still has enough issues that he just doesn’t know what to do with that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hello Tomorrow

**Author's Note:**

> I'd highly recommend reading And I'm Not As Sad As I Was Before to have any idea as to what's happening here

Rin still isn’t sure how to – how to _act_ around Nagisa, what he can do or be for the guy like he’s sure with Haru and Makoto and Rei, now, too, and Rin is doubly unsure with how Nagisa is looking at him. Rei’s head is in Nagisa’s lap, his eyelids fluttering as he dozes – still tired from the pills, fuck, and Rin’s stomach clenches with harsh fear when he thinks of what Rei looked like spread out on the bathroom floor with all of those fucking _pills_ – and Nagisa is looking at Rin wide-eyed and bright and open like Rin is _important_ –

And he still has enough issues that he just doesn’t know what to do with that.

Rin coughs, sitting on the opposite end of Rei’s bed and checking his phone again, texting Makoto to ask what the fuck is taking so long for him to get his ass and his soulmate-life-completer-boytoy over here. Makoto replies cryptically with ‘calming him down’, making alarm bells go off in Rin’s head and also making him grit his teeth and note to himself to bring up maybe being better communicators once the other two show the fuck up.

“Rin-chan?” Nagisa asks, voice uncharacteristically soft. Rin startles, looking up at Nagisa and down again, wiping the sweat off his palms with the jeans he borrowed from Rei. Something twisting and boyish and completely fucking stupid is writhing in his chest cavity, now, and he tries to meet Nagisa’s eyes again only to let his gaze drift over to Rei’s frighteningly expansive collection of books on swimming.

“Yeah?” he asks. His voice cracks.

Rin feels like setting himself on fire.

“C’mere, Rin-chan,” Nagisa invites, and Rin looks at where Rei is lying all curled up near Nagisa and stutters out an ‘um’, like an idiot. “Rin,” Nagisa says, and he has a way of saying Rin’s name in a way that makes an embarrassed heat spread under Rin’s skin.

He’s not – he’s not really the kind of person to deserve having his name said like that, is all he means.

“Okay,” he mutters, shifts onto all fours and crawls carefully over to where Nagisa is sitting, freezing when it makes Rei shift and mumble. Rin holds his breath, and Rei passes his knuckles over his eyes in his sleep before sighing and going still again. Even more carefully, he sits by Nagisa, keeping Rei in between them like maybe that’ll cushion Rin from how goddamn much Nagisa _likes_ him.

Nagisa tips his chin up, leans forward, over Rei. “Kiss me.”

“Ah,” Rin says, stupid fucking goddamn _blush_ starting up like Nagisa’s dick hasn’t been up his ass on more than one occasion, and Nagisa leans a little more forward.

“I’d really like it if you kissed me,” he says all soft, soft like he never is with the others and Rin hates that Nagisa thinks he’s breakable, or that he needs to be treated differently, or whatever. Rin runs his tongue over lips that suddenly feel dry, and he shifts more onto his knees, hands flying up and fluttering around awkwardly for a few seconds before he cups Nagisa’s jaw.

Rin’s breath goes all skewed in his chest, because Nagisa hasn’t closed his eyes or anything, just keeps looking at Rin with that steady, honest gaze, lips parted as he breathes through them.

“Rin,” he whispers, and it puts a twist in Rin’s gut.

A sigh slips soft out of his mouth when he gets closer, close enough to feel Nagisa’s heat creeping along his skin, close enough to _just_ brush their lips together. Rin pauses there, holds it because he almost likes this part best, where it’s almost but not quite a kiss, when you can feel all the kiss’s potential pressed in the space between their lips.

“ _Rin_ ,” Nagisa _whimpers_ now, with want, and this? This Rin can work with; desire is something he knows how to handle in a person. He isn’t polite, using his lips to lever Nagisa’s mouth open, licks along his teeth before dragging his tongue against Nagisa’s, tangling them together. A loud gasp, and it’s either him or Nagisa but he doesn’t _care_ , lifting himself up more fully on his knees and planting one hand on the mattress, wrapping Nagisa’s hair around his knuckles and making the boy bend his head back, feels the moans that burble in Nagisa’s throat whenever he’s treated rougher in his teeth.

Fingertips trace over where his and Nagisa’s lips are pressed together, and Rin starts, looking down to see Rei looking up at them, something half-content and half not at all in his eyes. “Don’t stop,” he says, but in his voice is the same tremble he got after Rin asked him whether or not he still wanted to off himself, and –

Rin breaks away from Nagisa, leans down and works his lips against Rei’s because he knows belly-deep how Rei feels, how he’s still not sure if this is real even after Rin’s told him so multiple times, how he doesn’t want to ask again ‘cause he thinks it’ll make him look insecure and undesirable or some bullshit like that. Rei makes a sort of choked noise, and Rin hums into the kiss soothingly, clasping Rei’s jaw and running his fingers through Rei’s hair, trying to tell him without words he won’t believe that he’s wanted. Nipping at Rei’s bottom lip, Rin can’t help but huff out a laugh at the boner Nagisa’s getting, Nagisa shifting uncomfortably as he watches Rin and Rei kiss.

“Want me to suck you off?” Rin offers, grinning up at Nagisa because _this_ Rin can work with; sex is an easy intimacy that even he has to work at fucking up.

Nagisa – _frowns_ at that, shifting till Rei’s head isn’t pillowed by his lap and combs Rin’s hair with his fingers. “You don’t have to,” he says, like Rin doesn’t _want_ to, which he does, okay, he wants to give Nagisa something he knows he’s good at, something he knows will be good, that he won’t screw up like he tends to do with everything else in his life.

“I wanna,” he breathes, keeps one hand tangled in Rei’s hair as he breathes over the bulge of Nagisa’s cock, making Nagisa make that little _hitched_ breath, his hips twitching and goddamn, he’s so fucking hot.

They’re all so fucking hot, Jesus.

Nagisa _flinches_ back, and Rin feels something hard and cold that stings a little like rejection in his chest, and Nagisa looks at him with those wide eyes, one hand reaching out for Rin’s hair again and he shuffles back, throat getting a little tight. 

“Whatever,” he mutters, sliding off the bed. Nagisa opens his mouth like he’s going to try to _talk to Rin about it_ , motherfucker, and Rin feels like crying in gratitude when a frantic knocking at the door starts. “I’ll get it,” he yelps, fleeing like the pussy he is from the bedroom to open the apartment door.

Haru shoulders past him, Makoto’s eyes still locked onto Haru’s figure worriedly, and it only takes Rin a heartbeat to figure out why.

Haru is _freaked the fuck out_ , in a way that Haru never is.

“Where,” he breathes, turning to lock eyes on Rin’s figure, and Rin points to the bedroom.

“There,” he answers, and Haru nods, practically fucking jogging into the bedroom.

Rei had asked him to be the one to tell them, after Rin had casually suggested for the seventh time in a row that they be let in on the secret, and Rin thinks now that maybe he should have done it in person, rather than over the phone.

“Um,” he starts, looking to Makoto. Makoto shrugs, smile cracked worried at the edges and stretching almost fake across his face, which says something, Rin thinks, about how goddamn worried Makoto must be. “Sorry,” Rin says, unsure as to why he’s apologizing but always feeling like he should, in Makoto’s presence.

He doesn’t know, maybe it’s just for being overwhelmingly shitty in comparison to the guy.

“It’s fine, Rin,” Makoto says, but there is a waver in his voice and then he’s taking several long steps forward, boxing Rin against a wall with his body heat and his arms, leaning in and kissing Rin fierce. “Fuck,” Makoto mutters into the kiss, which _really_ says something, Makoto never fuckin’ swears, and then Makoto just bites Rin’s lips apart, bearing down on him and kissing him like Makoto is planning on consuming him entirely.

“Thank you,” Makoto breathes into Rin’s ear when he breaks away to let Rin get some air back into his lungs. “Thank you, thank you, fuck.”

He sounds _scared_ , Rin thinks wonderingly, scared like Rin was when he walked in and saw Rei with the bile and the pills and the dead expression, scared like Rin still is, sort of. And Rin isn’t really good with emotions, so much, still too sharp-edged and angry to be much help to anyone, but he puts his arms around Makoto’s waist, tugs him in close and Makoto crumples over Rin with a sigh. Rin locks his knees to take Makoto’s weight better, feels Makoto’s arms tighten around Rin’s shoulders and Makoto’s face press into the crook of Rin’s neck.

“S’okay,” he mutters, presses his lips to Makoto’s neck, his temple. “He’s okay, for right now, you know, he’s okay.”

Makoto heaves in a dry, ripping breath that’s almost a _sob_ , fuck, is Makoto fucking crying?

“Hey,” Rin says, voice pitched up with worry. “Hey, Makoto, look at me, yeah?”

Makoto shakes his head, pushes himself closer to Rin, sandwiching Rin between the wall and Makoto’s bulk. Rin can catch whispered words from him now, ‘beach’ and ‘again’ and ‘lost’ and Rin makes the same shushing noises Kou made when he’d come home for the summer and she’d catch him purging after dinner, ugly as he hunched over the toilet. Sort of rocks them back and forth as best as he can, patting Makoto’s back.

“Rei’s okay, yo,” Rin assures him, “I mean, obviously not like – but for right now, he’s good, okay, I went through the house and got rid of all the shit he can O.D. on, it’s cool, I promise.”

And Makoto must not be as accustomed to this sort of thing as Rin, because his words seems to distress Makoto more, Makoto making a roiling noise in the back of his throat.

“We didn’t even _know_ , we couldn’t tell, we didn’t think it was – and he –” And, shit, now Rin gets it, and he grits his teeth at how _stupid_ Makoto is being.

“Wow, no, cut that shit off right the fuck now, it’s not your fault for not noticing and blaming yourself is a bit selfish, actually,” Rin says, wants to bite his tongue off when his words make Makoto’s breath catch, makes Makoto draw back and meet Rin’s eyes. “It’s not about us, what’s going through his head,” Rin expands, feeling oafish and clumsy and unintentionally mean. “Like –”

“Okay,” Makoto says, keeps his eyes on Rin’s, looks like he’s searching through whatever he sees there. “Okay.”

Then he draws back, sucks in a few deep breathes, and pats the tears away, fixing his expression into Kind Understanding No. 5.

Sometimes Rin wonders how much of the Makoto that people see is real. Sometimes he wonders if it matters.

When Makoto is sure he looks composed, the immovable object to the unstoppable force the rest of them become, he rolls his shoulders back and walks into the bedroom, Rin trailing after him after a few heartbeats.

Haru is crouched over Rei, legs straddling Rei’s waist, one hand on Rei’s neck and the other planted beside his head, Haru pressing violent, desperate kisses to Rei’s lips, his cheeks, his neck, between whispered words Rin can’t catch from where he stands. Nagisa sits beside them, running a hand up and down Haru’s spine in soothing, repetitive movements.

Makoto crawls onto the bed and spreads himself along Rei’s other side, interrupting one of Haru’s kisses to grasp Rei’s chin and turn his face towards Makoto’s. “Hey,” he whispers, kisses Rei slow and gentle while Haru moves to Rei’s neck, movements sporadic.

Rin takes a step closer, just enough to hear what Haru is whispering fiercely.

“Sorry, so sorry Rei, I didn’t want to hurt you, I wanted to be water for you, didn’t mean to hurt you, sorry,” he’s breathing, cutting Rei off whenever he tries to speak. “Don’t wanna lose you, almost lost Makoto, I don’t want to lose you.”

His last words arch vulnerable, and this is when Haru stops talking, just slumps his weight over Rei, tucks his face into the crook of Rei’s neck.

Rin, looking at how the four of them fit together so well, wonders if maybe he should leave, give the Iwatobi foursome some time to figure their shit out without him making it more complicated. Shifting his weight awkwardly, Rin tries to formulate an appropriate self-dismissal, biting his lip at how absorbed they are in each other.

He quashes the stirring of insecurity this causes, telling himself viciously that he has no fuckin’ right to it, not after – not after how Rei must have felt, with feeling ignored by the four of them on top of how his brain chemistry’s fucking him over. “Ah,” he starts, and Nagisa shifts his focus from where Rei and Haru and Makoto are exchanging kisses to Rin, languid. “I’ll, um, give you guys some –” He fumbles over his words. “Room? I guess? Time. Whatever.”

He’s backing out of the bedroom as he says this, drawing a breath in through his nose and scraping his sleeve under it to keep his expression hidden.

“Rin-chan?” Nagisa says, and there’s a flicker of something Rin can’t read in his eyes, Nagisa shifting like he’s making to slide off the bed.

“S’fine,” Rin says, waving his hands. “You guys should… Yeah. It’s cool.”

Now Nagisa is off the bed, the other three slowly losing focus on one another to look at where Nagisa is approaching Rin, and this is the absolute opposite of what Rin wanted.

“Why wouldn’t we need you here, too?” Nagisa asks, stepping toe to toe with Rin and looking up at him, with his eyes all fuckin’ soft because he thinks Rin needs kid gloves, or something. Rin kicks his heel into the ground, looking wildly around the room.

“Because – I don’t know – why are you all looking at me, Jesus, Rei’s right the fuck over there.” Rin points. They all continue to look at him.

“We want you here, too,” Nagisa says gently. “That’s the whole point of this, isn’t it? We want all of us here.”

And those words twist through Rin’s gut, pressing at his organs and folding them over each other, because that’s the fuckin’ kicker, isn’t it, how he has the same fuckin’ issue as Rei when it comes to this. Rin’s always sort of figured that once they brought Rei in, people would wake the fuck up and realize how much trouble Rin is, how little he has to give to them to make himself worth that.

“Whatever, Nagisa, just –” he mutters, attempting retreat because he’s being a selfish piece of shit again, making this about him when it should be about Rei, about coddling him and treating him like a fuckin’ prince until he believes it when they kiss him.

Nagisa throws his arms around Rin’s shoulders, rising on his tiptoes to kiss him. “Come to bed,” he coos into Rin’s mouth. “C’mon, we want you here, too. We want all of us here.”

And now when Rin draws in a breath, it _wavers_ , fuck, his eyes are prickling and this _isn’t about him_ , why the fuck does he always –

“Fuck,” he spits, drawing back to clamp his hands over his face, the white-knuckled control he kept over how fuckin’ _scared_ he is slipping away into nothing. Except that makes it worse, because when he covers his eyes he’s looking at Rei on the bathroom floor surrounded by vomit and pills and it’s not just his expression that’s dead this time – “ _Fuck_ ,” he whimpers, “Sorry, sorry, fuck, I don’t wanna –”

“Rin.” God, and Haru’s voice has the same affect on him as it always does, a jerk behind his belly button like he’s been hooked and Haru is reeling him in. “Come here.”

His feet stumble their way to the bed almost without his permission, Haru overriding the scrambling, frenetic urge to flee itching in his bones. One knee, then the other, and then Rin is crouched awkwardly on the mattress, keeping his head down in firm refusal to meet anyone’s eyes. A broad, warm hand curls over his jaw, and then Makoto is gently pushing Rin’s chin up, making him meet Rei’s eyes.

“Sorry,” he says, because this shouldn’t be about him.

And Rei – fuck, Rei is _beautiful_ , Rin thinks, an absolute embodiment of the thing he’s obsessed with, a smile curving his lips and his eyes –

God, he’s looking at Rin like Rin thinks he’s looking at Rei, and this makes him hunch his shoulders, trying to hide from it because there’s this curdling surety that he doesn’t deserve it winding its way through his chest cavity. He feels hands on his thighs, darts his eyes up to see Rei getting closer before he looks down again, and then Rei is kissing him, different than Haru or Makoto or Nagisa in that it’s all gentle and searching, different than their other kisses because now it’s like Rei’s trying to give him something.

Rin jerks back, and Rei makes a protesting noise in his throat, following Rin’s retreat with his lips.

“Please,” he whispers, and this puts something shaky in Rin’s stomach. He slides his hands further up Rin’s thighs, parting his lips to push himself closer. “Please.” He puts the word into Rin’s mouth with a languid draw of his tongue, and Rin can feel his back pressed against the warmth of Makoto’s chest, Makoto’s hands gripping Rin’s waist like he’s holding him there.

“Yeah,” Rin mutters, tips his chin up, works his hands under Rei’s shirt like he’s been wanting to since last night. It’s easy to put his arms around Rei’s waist, draw him more fully onto Rin’s lap and Rin groans when he can feel Rei’s cock against his, already hard, Jesus.

He slips a palm between their hips, cups the bulge between Rei’s thighs and squeezes gently, hearing the soft noise Rei makes in response.

A quick, half-stifled sound comes from their right, and Rin looks to the side to see Haru watching them on all fours, mouth open and worried pink and swollen, shirt pushed up to his armpits and Nagisa working him open from behind.

“What?” Nagisa asks when Makoto makes a burred noise in his throat. “I figured this was the direction things were moving in, might as well make it get there faster.”

The little shit grins impishly, twists his wrist and presses his fingers down and Haru shudders, moan catching with his increasing breaths.

“Motherfucker,” Rin mutters, fists his hand in Haru’s hair to kiss him rough, biting already bitten lips and pulling hard on the hair he has in his hand.

“Ah, Rin,” Haru _gasps_ , the sound going straight to Rin’s dick and it twitches against Rei’s, making Rei laugh and roll his hips against Rin’s.

Shifting uncomfortably, Makoto clears his throat and Rin becomes very aware of what’s pressed against the small of his back, wriggles smugly to hear Makoto’s breath catch, to feel Makoto’s hands tighten on his waist.

“Want you to fuck me,” he murmurs, tilting his head back to receive another one of Makoto’s bruising kisses, one of his hands migrating from Rin’s waist to spread over Rin’s neck, keeping him in a prostrate position.

It makes him shiver, and Makoto laughs, nips at one of Rin’s earlobes before he tightens his hand just slightly.

“Oh _God_ ,” Rin moans, and then Rei’s hands are fumbling over the button and fly of Rin’s jeans, swearing adorably when he can’t get it open.

“What the fuck, man, these are your goddamn jeans,” Rin laughs, slapping Rei’s hands away and working the pants halfway down his thighs.

“The angle is _entirely different_ ,” Rei sniffs, whipping his boxers off and tossing them behind his head. “Therefore, the trajectory required to –”

“Whatever, cool, get more naked,” Rin interrupts, tugging at the hem of his shirt. Rei complies, lifting his arms to allow Rin to get his shirt off, and Rin makes a protesting noise as Rei ducks down to grab at the belt loops of his jeans, because goddamn, he didn’t even let Rin _look_ at all of him, bare and beautiful.

Rin’s down to bare legs and a borrowed t-shirt when Haru _whines_ , drawing everyone’s attention to him as he thrashes his head, arms shaking as he falls to his forearms, Nagisa pushing inside with a smug little smile on his face.

“Oh – oh, Nagisa,” Haru breathes, Nagisa’s name drawing out into a whorish moan when Nagisa draws back and pushes himself in again, thrusting hard enough that Haru is pushed forward in little jolts each time, the sound of skin slapping skin obscene. “Hah,” Haru gasps, presses his face into the skin of Makoto’s hip and biting.

“Lube, Nagisa,” Makoto requests, and then Nagisa pauses for a moment – to loud protests from Haru – to pull lube from God knows where and throw it gracelessly at Makoto’s face.

The tube smacks Makoto’s nose, a clear, sticky strand of lube shooting out over his forehead, and Rei begins to giggle, leaning across Rin to wipe it off Makoto’s face. They kiss over Rin’s shoulder, and he tilts his head back to watch, grabbing the tube when Makoto is distracted and preparing himself in quick, impatient motions.

Rei’s making these little moans, his hips twitching against Rin’s stomach, dragging his dick along cotton and Rin pushes himself up enough to suck a hickey onto Rei’s neck.

“Get your dick out,” he tosses over his shoulder to Makoto, and Makoto makes a questioning noise as he runs his fingers over Rin’s ass, before it becomes one of disappointment.

“I wanted to take care of that,” Makoto says, a finger at the rim of Rin’s asshole before he just pushes it inside. And Rin still has two of his own fingers in there, okay, and Makoto’s fingers are _thick_.

“Oh, fuck,” Rin curses, hips jerking and precome drooling from the tip of his cock. Rei watches this fascinatedly, and something in the intentness of his gaze on Rin makes Rin shudder, makes heat bolt through him unsteadily. “C’mon,” he whines, grinds his ass against the crotch of Makoto’s jeans. “C’mon, get in me.”

And then – “Oh, _fuck_ ,” Rin curses, because Rei slide his weight down the bed and is now licking over the head of Rin’s dick curiously, lapping and tonguing at the slit with this inquisitive little frown on his face, and it’s so _obviously_ his first time tasting it, fuck. Rin fits his fingers around the base of his cock, squeezing to keep himself from coming. “God, stop, stop, fuck,” he whimpers, slaps at Rei’s shoulders. “Fuck, get up here, I wanna feel you, I wanna make you come –”

Makoto chooses this moment to lift Rin’s hips – fuck, he’s gonna have finger-print bruises on his hipbones, he thinks with a shiver – and start a slow, inevitable push inside. Rin releases a long breath that doesn’t have enough strength behind it to quite be a moan, and he tries to jerk his hips back, get Makoto deeper, quicker.

“Nu-uh,” Makoto hums against the skin of Rin’s neck. “I’m taking care of you, stop – stop –” He begins to stutter, hips thrusting up instinctually, and Rei moulds himself to Rin’s front, kissing him eagerly.

Rin can taste himself in Rei’s mouth, he thinks with a twist of heat, he can taste –

He fits his hand around both their cocks, letting Rei grip his shoulders and bounce and thrust wildly, making these tiny, almost – almost _yipping_ noises as Rin rubs his thumb along the crown of Rei’s dick.

“Rei,” Nagisa says, sounding choked. “Rei-chan –”

And Nagisa’s eyes are fixed onto Rei as he thrusts into Haru, expression cracked open and awed, Haru struggling onto his hands and knees again to do the same thing. Their expressions match, Rin thinks wildly, feeling the steady in-out drag of Makoto’s cock along his insides, except – except –

They aren’t just looking at Rei, they’re looking at both of them, at all three of them, and Rin shudders, hides his face in the crook of Rei’s neck as the heat in him starts to flare and pulse, feral.

“No, don’t, I want –” Rei gasps, stutters as he grips Rin’s face and pushes him so that he’s spread out on Makoto’s chest. “I want to see you, you’re so beautiful, I want to see you –”

And then Rin’s coming with a shout, white light bursting behind his eyes and Makoto strings his pleasure out, keeps thrusting until Rin is sobbing before he pulls Rin back, flush against him. He comes with a grunt, face pressed into Rin’s neck.

When he comes back to himself, Rei’s being finished off by Haru, Haru mouthing over the hickey Rin left of Rei’s neck as he jerks Rei off onto Rin, looking at the come striping Rin’s thighs and stomach with satisfaction.

“Well,” Nagisa sighs contentedly, sounding way too pleased with himself. “Are we all good now?”

“You’re a little shit,” Rin moans tiredly, and Nagisa giggles before he crawls over Haru and Rei – aiming his knees and elbows at all the soft spots, because of course he would – and flops on top of Rin, stroking his chest fondly.

“You love it,” he purrs, and Rin shakes his head, refusing to answer. Makoto shifts and hums, kissing Rin’s neck as he pulls out, making Rin gasp.

Haru has twined himself around Rei, and Rei looks – content, now, and maybe, if Rin wants to very optimistic, maybe a little bit happy.

**Author's Note:**

> teenage boys are dumb


End file.
